As a writer I find inspiration everywhere. From a picture of a flower to a wonderful quote on Tumblr or Pinterest. Films and books never fail to inspire me either, but I won’t dedicate this post to those things.
The biggest inspiration in my life is my mom. It’s hard for me to talk about this, but a few years ago my grandmother got awfully sick and my mother had to take care of her, and thus also my grandfather who’s a heart patient and who could no longer rely on my grandmother. On top of that my mom had me to take care of too of course, plus she was still recovering from all the stress in previous years. See before my grandmother got sick, things weren’t good at home either. I’m definitely not comfortable talking about that bit, as I’m afraid that certain people will find this blog and read it, and I’m afraid of their reaction. This may be silly, as I’m going to study journalism, where freedom of speech is very important, but this fear is not silly to me. It’s something that’s deep inside me that I wish I could get rid of, but I just can’t. Point is, my mom wasn’t entirely healthy when she had to take care of my grandmother. Yet she dropped everything to take care of everything. She went to the hospital with her for every appointment, where she saw awful things, also had to take my grandfather to the hospital for his appointments, had to make a lot of stressful calls, had to move my grandparents to a different home as my grandmother could no longer walk up the stairs and so much more that I don’t even have the slightest idea of.
And it’s not just that she had to take care of everything, it was also the fact that she had to see her mother getting weaker and weaker and just less like herself. I remember crying when I first saw my grandmother without her hair, but imagine seeing your mother like that, the woman who always put on a brave face for your sake and seemed like the strongest person you knew.
My mom got through all of that, and now, over two years since my grandmother passed away, she is still laughing and smiling for my sake, and that’s why my mom is my biggest inspiration, because the pain that I feel thinking of my grandmother, is the pain she feels yet an infinite time worse.
I have to stop now. I’m already surprised I wrote this much, but I definitely can’t continue writing about this. I just couldn’t write about anything else, because that felt disrespectful towards my mom, as she truly is my inspiration.