In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part I

Back when I was ten years old I started writing my first book called: Spy Academy and the Secret of Ethelbertha Harrison. As you can guess it took place at a school for spies and boy was it bad. I decided to reread the prologue and share some things with you guys. Because I remember rereading it a few years ago and finding it hilarious, so why keep that hilariousness to myself?

It starts with a terrible prologue set in the past. This girl named Ethelbertha goes to her secret room set in the school, where she is grabbed behind by an old enemy. This is the actual dialogue:

”You.”
”Yes, me. Tell me, where is it?!”
”Never!”
”Are you sure? Because if you don’t tell me, your life will be over soon!”
”Then you’ll never find out. I’m the only one who knows.”

And now the best part:

”That’s true. You know what. I’ll lock you up, in your own secret room in your secret room. There’s food storage, water and a toilet!

Such a thoughtful villain. He’s even nicer than Voldy waiting for the school year to be over before he attacks Harry.

The prologue ends with him locking her up in the secret room within the secret room (10 year old me was a literary genius) and yelling ‘GOODBYE ETHELBERTHA HARRISON’

Fastforward to 2006 and one of the main characters called Zoey wakes up from a nightmare: ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH’. You know what she dreamed? You know what? SHE DREAMED THE PROLOGUE

This isn’t even a fantasy story, like why does she have ‘visions’.

And apparently it’s the fifth time she’s had that dream in a week. She’s told her friends about her dreams, and just by Zoey describing the clothes, her friend Reane could tell that her dream took place in the ’90s! Because Reane knows everything about history. ‘From dinosaurs until last year, there’s nothing she doesn’t know’ I highly doubt that

But the real mystery of the dream was the school.

‘Why didn’t she know which school it was?’ (because you know every school in the entire freakin’ country?) ‘Was it a secret? If that was the case, they had to investigate it! She and her friends loved secrets and spying’ (ah such great kids. There’s nothing wrong with that) ‘They wanted to become spies’

I mean when you’re sixteen that’s very realistic right? You can just phone secret services and be like ‘yo what’s up you got a job opening’

‘It started two years ago, she, Laila and Reane went to the same secondary school, started talking and realised they all loved to spy. A few months later Patricia moved to Arnhem (God knows why it took place in Arnhem (a city here in The Netherlands) when I’ve never even been there??) and befriended the three girls. They had solved many mysteries together (lol sure, Jan), maybe they could solve this one as well! It was just a dream, but still…’

End prologue

Me right now:

Ah yes I must investigate that dream I once had where a floating eye ball kidnapped me and one of my friends from elementary school.

So that was the prologue! I wrote ‘part I’ in the title of this post in case you guys are interested in hearing more? 😂 Believe me it gets so much worse. You think insta-love in YA is terrible? Wait until you hear my insta-love story in this.

How do you react when you read your old writing? Do you laugh? Cringe? Cry? I do all of this depending on how old the writing is. I mean, I wrote this when I was 10, so I find it adorable and hilarious. I cringe at my writing from when I was 13/14 though (and cry. Let’s not forget the crying). 

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51 thoughts on “In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part I

  1. Oh my god ! Give me mooooore 😂 I remember writing something when I was twelve with secret rooms and things that are pretty similar to yours, and sometimes go back read it and cringe and laugh at the same time , dear god it was so bad but instead of insta love I used ” the best friend secretly loving the main character trope ” just thinking about it I’m laughing hahaha

  2. I so want more of this! I cringe too. And then hide my writing. Sadly I don’t have much of my kiddie writing. I remember writing a story about the Bermuda triangle, where a set of school kids hire a ‘schooner’ (because i was fascinated with that word) and head to the Bermuda triangle. They are abducted by aliens (poof: mystery solved), escape, followed by a happy ending. *Double cringe* :(

  3. Omg that’s ADORABLE. XD I occasionally get out my old writing and laugh my head off at it. 😂 Particularly the illustrations. omg. I was a horrendous little 12-year-old artist. AHEM. But I always ended my books by killing everyone…because I didn’t know how else to end them??? And then I stapled them together and was SURE I was going to have them in a bookshop soon. XD YUP. THAT WAS MY WRITERLY BEGINNINGS.

    • Oh god I drew too! I made my own hideous cover for this story XD And I drew my characters. They always hid their hands behind their backs because I was terrible at drawing them XD Killing everyone IS a good way to end your book though; they’re dead so the story can’t continue. I understand your 12-year old self’s reasoning *nods*

  4. I once saw a Woody Allen film and was so inspired I decided to write a play. It was so so bad. I had this idea of introducing my family on stage with a sort of intro and it was woeful. Just dreadful. It was supposed to be funny but nothing worked and it just seemed weird and

  5. Oh haha, my old writing is ridiculous! I literally cry even thinking about it. Even my NaNoWriMo novel from last year is just completely awful. When I was like 6 or 7 I wrote ‘Harry Potter and the Curse of the Womping Willow’ and I found it the other day and reread it…the spelling mistakes are just hilarious! 😂

  6. Honestly speaking, it depends on the piece of writing I read. The really old ones are always cringe-worthy but then there are others that I like to brag about for ages (okay, it’s just a couple but still, the writing is good).

  7. Your story sounds absolutely amazing and hilarious! Ten year old you was definitely on to something! I sometimes go back to my old stuff and I mostly laugh or cringe. Then again, there were some real gems hidden inbetween sometimes, but like hidden really, really, really deep. Still, I enjoy rereading my old writing. Maybe I should do a similar post sometime soon :D If that’s okay with you!

  8. BAHAHAHAHA. LOL. LMAO. BAHAHAHAHA.
    I want more of this. Yes. Please.
    If you think your old writing is bad…omg. I used to staple and illustrate little books when I was 4 and then continued and then just got less cute and more what is wrong with you and EEK. Honestly. My writerly beginnings are ugly.

    • I will do a part 2 soon! :D Aww that’s so cute! I didn’t really illustrate mine, but I did draw a cover for this story XD If I find it I’ll share it lol. I think most of our writerly beginnings aren’t pretty :P One of my earlier story was just a rip off of Winx Club and Narnia but with ‘original’ characters *cough cough*

  9. THAT IS SO LAMELY ADORABLE. When I was 9 or so I decided that I wanted to write about a magic camp. It was basically Percy Jackson with dragons and was the crappiest thing on the planet. Actually, all my first stories were basically ripoffs. -_- This was hilarious though!

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