In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part II

Part I

Time for part two in which I continue to judge my own writing. So back when I was ten I started writing my first book called Spy Academy and the Secret of Ethelbertha Harrison, which as you can guess from the title took place in a school for spies. In my previous post I judge the prologue, which was set in the past and showed this girl (Ethelbertha Harrison) being locked up in her own secret room in a secret room by her thoughtful arch enemy (she has food storage, water and a toilet guys! Isn’t that nice of him?!). One of the main characters then wakes up from a nightmare: the prologue (lol yes this prologue is a nightmare indeed). She wants to investigate her nightmare with her friends, who all want to become spies. Sounds legit right? Anyway, let’s get started!

So the first chapter is called ‘Reveal of Spy Academy’, so as you can guess the girls found out about the school. But first, it’s time to shop. Which they all hate, except for the stereotypical girly blonde girl *sigh*. Really 10-year old me. Really?

Actual words written by me:

‘Zoey, Reane and Patricia sighed. They hated shopping, they preferred spying and adventure. ”Come on girls! I like spying and adventure too, but I just can’t live without shopping!” Laila said when she heard the sigh. ”HELP!” they suddenly heard.’

And yes it is actually written that way. On the same line. And the ‘HELP’ just seems to come out of nowhere *face palm*

And you know how I describe the characters? ‘Laila Konings, a blonde girl of fourteen years old, was completely over the moon’ and ”’Come on girls!” Reane yelled, a black haired girl of fourteen years old.’

Ah yes, I can totally picture them now. I mean, there are only so many blonde and black haired fourteen year old girls right!

Anyway, back to the ‘HELP!’ An old lady is being robbed, and of course these teenagers (more like tweens really, especially considering they were written by a child who had no idea how to teen) immediately ran to her rescue: ”Laila, your belt!” Zoey yelled, a girl with brown hair of fourteen years old (*squints eyes at this sentence*). Laila grabbed her belt and threw it around the criminals’ legs.

Be right back, dying from laughter here. But it gets better (okay that’s not true, nothing can top this): ”Zoey grabbed the purse and gave it back to the woman. ”Thanks children”, the old woman said and she walked away.

Uh shouldn’t you stay and call the cops so you can file a report or something? And the fun isn’t over yet! Because in the mean time, two thirty year old women had been watching. And surprise! They’re from Spy Academy. They think the four girls should join the school. One of them isn’t entirely convinced yet though, because not all of the girls actually did something. For some reason she says that they should wait until the other two have done something as well, but Laila is the only one who did something? Taking the purse back from the criminal and handing it to the old lady is not a big deal? Anyone can do that? So according to my ten-year old self, I can become a spy simply because I can take a purse from a knocked down guy and hand it back.

Of course right at that moment they hear glass breaking: someone has broken into a jewellery store! Damn, there’s crime everywhere in this town! No wonder they need to rely on fourteen year old girls. Clearly the police (who still hasn’t been called about the attempted robbery of that old lady) is not doing such a good job.

Instead of going after the criminal (who of course is making his escape. Dude, maybe you shouldn’t have broken into a store in the middle of the day? Then again apparently the police in that town is useless so who cares), which they’re very capable of since they’re from Spy Academy, they decide to leave it all to teenagers.

Except it doesn’t. You know, in reality. In ten-year old Michelle’s universe the plan does come together. So Reane jumps high into the air, lands right in front of the criminal, and immediately knocks him out. Clearly I had been watching too much anime.

So while they compliment Reane, and Zoey comforts Patricia who is sad that she didn’t get to do anything twice now (‘I’m sure there will be another criminal and then you’ll teach him a lesson’ yeah since the police is clearly non-existent in this town, I’m sure too) the two women make their way to the girls:

”Hi, can you walk with us for a bit? It’s very important, and we think you’ll be interested.”

Obviously they get suspicious and refuse right? I mean, they want to be spies after all, so they’re like super clever and stuff.

‘The girls shrugged and followed the women.’

THEY ACTUALLY STOP IN AN ABANDONED ALLEY. HOW CAN THEY NOT GET SUSPICIOUS.

Anyway, the two women of course start to explain Spy Academy. No, scratch that. They’re just like ‘an academy for young spies!’ and of course the girls are like ‘seems legit sign us up’. And ah my ten-year old self’s humour was just… I should’ve become a comedian:

”I’m Melinda and this is-”
”Miranda, thanks Mell, but I can talk for myself.”
The girls giggled.

Yes because that’s hilarious. Worse even:

”I’m Laila also known as Super Laila, your saviour.”
”She’s Laila Konings and not Super Laila your saviour, if you want a saviour you’ll have to ask Batman or Spider-Man, but they’re probably busy with a movie.”

har har

After everyone’s introduced, the two women (who are teachers at the school by the way) are like: ‘well, see you in two years!’ because thankfully they have to be at least 16 years old. Thank God they don’t let fourteen-year olds enrol! That’d be crazy (can you sense my sarcasm).

”We have to go, but remember, no one can know that the school exists. If you’re asking your parents for permission, ask them: ‘Can I go to PearleAcademy?’ (yes this is how I spelled it). If the answer is yes, tell them the headmaster will come to your house to talk.” Because your parents can give you permission to go to a spy school without knowing that you’re going to go to a spy school. Logic. Also poor parents. Not knowingly sending their kids into peril. This sounds really creepy actually.

”Well, bye!” Melinda and Miranda waved while they walked away. ”BYE!” the girls yelled and waved.

And they leave. Just like that. Without really explaining anything. They did mention that there will be a test to get in though (which they’re sure they’ll pass), which you’ll see in the next chapter (I think? It’s called ‘Tests and Teams’ so probably).

This whole spy academy thing sounds more legit the more I read *cough*. Spoiler: it is legit. But if you someday find yourself in a situation like this, it’s not legit. Unless you’re somehow living in my ten-year old self’s mind, which would be creepy so I’d kindly ask you to leave.

That’s not the end of the chapter yet though! This is the end:

Two years later

”Tomorrow is the day, we’ll go to Spy Academy, become spies and we’ll see Melinda and Miranda again…”, and the girls all fell asleep in their own beds.

Yes, they’re simultaneously saying the same thing, while all in different houses across town.

So that was part 2! Next chapter will finally take place at the Academy itself. Hopefully I’ll post part 3 next week, but I’ll definitely continue this series.

Would you sign up for this sketchy sounding Spy Academy? Would you want to be a spy at all? I totally did. Thus why I wrote this book haha. I was obsessed with spies. Do you sometimes read your old writing and judge and laugh? Let me know in the comments!

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51 thoughts on “In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part II

  1. I was TOTALLY obsessed with spies when I was younger. Me & my cousin snuck around the house eavesdropping on our parents and, like, writing stuff down in our spy notebooks. Cracking ciphers. Wearing sunglasses. That sort of thing.
    THE WRITING IS HILARIOUS THOUGH. And that’s some excellent gif usage right there. When I was ten I wrote, like, a 30 page play about a girl who could make drawings come alive? Featuring a character Mrs. Money. *cringes* GOOD TIMES RIGHT.

    • Haha that’s adorable! I had my own little ‘spy book’ as well in which I wrote down my observations, but I didn’t wear sunglasses. Little me failed at being a spy. Haha thank you, I try :P That sounds like a fun play though! Was Mrs. Money obsessed with money? :P A 30 page play is really incredible though! There aren’t that many kids who would do something like that :)

      • Ahaha yay for spy aspirations.
        YES. She was trying to bulldoze down the school for money. And I was playing her because no one else wanted to. I’m actually so impressed I finished it…? Like, it took me about 3 years but I haven’t finished a project since haha. (Now I want to go find it on my computer…) :P

  2. HAHAHAHA. That post was BRILLIANT. I love this series, it’s just so much fun to read. It’s crazy sometimes to think we could write such things, ahah, it makes me kind of want to try this out myself. I don’t re-read my old writing a lot though, well because I am scared hahaha.
    And YES. I totally wanted to be a spy. Now, I’ll be okay being, like, a book, and having stories living inside of me. That was philosophical…

  3. This is PRECIOUS. You have to keep this somewhere safe because it will be worth MILLIONS once you’re an established author and famous world-wide. SO MUCH WIN, I love it! Are you writing an updated version of this story? Because I would love to read what happened once they’re in the Academy :D

    I used to write stories about twins. I read Sweet Valley when I was a kid and I was obsessed with identical twins. My story has fraternal twins though, since I like having a blonde character and a raven haired one. Oh, and one of them also loves to shop while the other is nerdy and smart. I can’t find my copy of it anymore, haha! XD

    • Haha I will! :P I did start to rewrite it a few years later, but I’m not working on it now. I want to focus on only a few projects at the same time, and it needs A LOT of work. I’ll continue this series in which I judge the rest of the book though, so you will find out what happens when they arrive at the Academy :D Aww it’s a shame you can’t find it anymore! But it sounds like a cute story :) And who knows, maybe one day you’ll find it again!

  4. Oh my gosh! Your ten year old self definitely had a wild imagination :) I can’t get enough of reading this! This definitely made me smile throughout the whole thing. Your comments through out made it even better :)

  5. Hehe, this was hilarious. I do this all the time where I look back at my old writing from when I was younger and just have a good laugh. I was obsessed with Lord of the Rings and Watership Down so pretty much everything I wrote when I was younger was an attempted imitation of JRR Tolkien or about talking rabbits…so really not good!
    Thanks for sharing this! It was awesome :)

  6. This is absolutely adorable, and I love it. Your ten-year-old self should be proud! Sure, it’s got its flaws, but tons of people significantly older than ten aren’t able to write nearly so well.

    Also: your critique of your own writing is hilarious. Can’t wait to read more! =D

  7. Hahahaha I had to have a chuckle at this! But seriously go 10 yr old you for giving writing a go! I think I was still reading picture books at 10!!
    I used to be so obsessed with spy books when I was younger tho! I 100% blame Ally Cater books oh how I wanted to be a Gallegah (no idea how to spell it) Girl!

  8. This is FANTASTIC! I love this series, it’s so so funny. 10 year old writing is honestly the best thing ever! I never wrote about spies, but when I was 13 (maybe 12? Who knows) I wrote a historical fiction story set in 1920s in New York without doing any research because I was obviously an A+ student.

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