In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part IV

Part I | Part II | Part III

In this possibly weekly feature (so far I managed to post every week; I wonder how long I’ll keep that up) I judge the book I wrote when I was ten years old

Let’s recap what’s happened so far. The four main characters, all teenage girls have been accepted at Spy Academy. Before coming there, one of them, Zoey, had a recurring vision dream in which she saw a young girl being locked up in her own secret room inside her secret room. This actually happened though, and will be important to the plot. Last chapter the girls were divided into teams of three and met some new characters: Bryan, who is on the same team as Zoey and Laila; Tim, who is on the same team as Reane and Patricia and Ricky, whose teammates don’t like him. The others all decide to help Ricky become friends with his teammates.

The chapter starts with all of them in the common room. They’re discussing ideas on how to solve Ricky’s problem. Laila has the brilliant idea of just talking to them and asking why they don’t want to hang out with Ricky. Wow. Yeah you need an entire meeting to come up with that idea. Anyway, Laila decides to put that idea into action immediately and leaves the room, only to come back within seconds because obviously she has no idea what his teammates look like (another prime example that shows I was just winging it 24/7 as 10 year old me most likely had forgotten that Laila didn’t know that). And oh boy, last time I worried that I had made Super Laila a running gag. I’m sad to say that this is indeed the case as it returns this chapter. Please let this gag run out soon.

So Ricky describes them:

”They’re Ria and Johnny, a girl with straight black hair and big weird glasses – you’ll recognise her immediately, I don’t think anybody else is wearing such freaky glasses – and Johnny has blond hair and is usually with her.”

Wow, again with the detailed descriptions.

Laila leaves again and runs into Ria and Johnny within a second (very realistic).

”Hi, I’m Laila, a friend of Ricky’s,”

  1. You’ve known him for like five minutes
  2. Do you not remember the way you treated him last chapter
  3. I’ll help you remember: ”How can you move?! Shouldn’t you follow a diet?!”
  4. THOSE WERE YOUR EXACT WORDS LAILA
  5. How can you call yourself his friend

”Why won’t you hang out with him?”

”Because we’re ashamed of him.”
”Because of his fatness.”

Laila: ”I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE ASHAMED OF HIM. YOU ARE WEARING RIDICULOUSLY BIG GLASSES. AND YOU! YOU’RE ASHAMED OF HIM, WHILE SHE’S WEARING RIDICULOUSLY BIG GLASSES?! You’re ashamed of him, but not of her? Filthy-”

  1. Laila, you’re being a hypocrite
  2. Ah yes, the right response to bullying is bullying

And then Johnny quickly drags Ria away and they get the hell out of there (can you blame them).

Laila thinks to herself that she shouldn’t have reacted like that (you think).

‘But still, she liked Ricky.’

‘What bothered her the most, was that Ria was ashamed of him, but wore ridiculously big glasses herself, and that Johnny wasn’t ashamed of Ria, but was ashamed of Ricky.’

I.. I don’t even know where to start. It’s horrible that they’re ashamed of him anyway, weird glasses or not. And why should Ria or Johnny be ashamed of those glasses anyway?? What even? BULLYING IS NOT THE ANSWER TO BULLYING.

At this point I really feel like I’m yelling at some stranger instead of my past self.

So Laila returns to the common room and tells everyone what happened. Ricky suggests asking for Door’s help. Door is the chef they mentioned in the previous chapter who they befriended at some point in between chapters. Door is short for Dorothy by the way, she wasn’t named after a door. Anyway, Door told them she’d do anything for them, in return for good food. YOU’RE A CHEF. THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

They remember that meatballs are her favourite, so Patricia asks who knows where they could get some. I don’t know maybe the kitchens. Bryan tells them his uncle owns a snack bar and they decide that he’ll try to get his uncle to deliver them.

If you think this makes no sense, just wait.

Laila and Zoey are standing guard in the next paragraph as Bryan calls his uncle in the headmistress’ office. Because you know, it’s not like these teenagers have cell phones or that there are any other phones besides the one in her office.

Though they almost get caught, everything works out fine and the meatballs are delivered. When they tell Door the story she too decides to call out Ria and her weird glasses. She then suggests if she should strangle her. Um

Obviously Ricky hesitates, because what do you say to that. Door then assures him that she’ll ‘gladly do it’. That’s not worrisome at all.

”That’s very kind of you, but I just want them to hang out with me.”

SERIOUSLY RICKY WHY THEY ARE HORRIBLE TO YOU

”Besides you’ll get fired if you do that.”

I think the term you’re looking for is arrested.

Door comes up with a different plan, but you’ll find out what that is in chapter four: Door’s successful plan and the Forbidden Room

So the message of part IV is that if you have plot holes and all that jazz don’t worry because they’re probably not as big as ordering meatballs for a chef who can make her own meatballs and the fact that there are kitchens in the school. Is anyone else wondering what lengths Door would go to for meatballs because she said she’d do anything. ANYTHING. And she suggested murder already. UM. Anyway, did your childhood writings have murderous chefs and kids dealing in food for favours? Or anything silly like that. Because it would be kind of creepy (but also really cool) if you wrote something exactly like that. Do tell. We must have some writing connection if that’s the case. Anyway, let me know what kind of silly things you used to write about as a kid!

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17 thoughts on “In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part IV

  1. I remember mentioning food a lot in my earlier stories. The gang would be in some secret remote island and find some junk food outlet haha. Great you’re sharing all this.

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