In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part VII

It is time to judge the book I wrote when I was ten again! In this weekly feature I recap a chapter (this time the second half of chapter 5, since it was getting a bit long last week) and provide you with sarcastic commentary. It takes place at an academy for spies and they have started their first day of class.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI

Last week I skipped ahead a bit to talk about the insta love between Patricia and Tim (they knew each other for less than two days and barely spoke, it took only one chemistry class for them to get together. The pun was not intended, because I’m pretty sure I didn’t know that much English yet at that age). Anyway, I left chapter 5 in the middle of lunch.

The friends split up again after lunch. Patricia, Reane and Tim head to history. Basically I had no idea what classes they would teach at an academy for spies so I just went with the regular secondary school classes. Of course history is useful for spies, when you talk about the relationships between countries, but the first class is about how the earth came into existence (isn’t that more geography anyway?). The teacher was so excited that he didn’t notice that except for Reane everyone had fallen asleep. No this wasn’t inspired by Professor Binns hahaha where did you get that idea.

Anyway, guess what the next class will be about? Dinosaurs. Because that is very important for future spies. What if they’re sent out to Jurassic Park? Or Godzilla appears out of nowhere?

Meanwhile Zoey, Laila and Bryan have a class called ‘Training’ which is like P.E. but with more preparations for spies or something like they climb mountains and stuff (not really, they climb walls). We later learn, as they tell the others, that Bryan let go of the robe. We are not shown this. We are told. Of course. This also leads to a brilliant piece of dialogue:

”We had to practice mountaineering. I accidentally let go of the robe on my first time,” Bryan said.
”And the second time?” Reane asked.
”Kim helped me,” Bryan answered.
”Kim?” Tim asked.
”One of the teachers,”
”We’re allowed to call them by their first name?”
”Yes,”
”What’s the next class?” Laila asked.

Because why bother asking if Bryan is alright, right? Poor kid. Go find some new friends along with Ricky.

Their next class is ‘recognising tracks’. Yep that’s what it’s cleverly called. And it’s taught by Melinda, one of the teachers who recruited the girls earlier on. So the girls are very excited for her class. Also it’s time to fill in a plot hole from earlier on in the chapter (because why edit am I right). Zoey asks Melinda why they didn’t have to wear any gym clothes during training, and Melinda vaguely tells them that the teachers forgot about the watches. Melinda will tell the teachers that they forgot, so the kids will find out later on. I’m going to tell you guys right now though. There’s an option that lets you change your clothes. Don’t ask me how it works. I don’t know. And there are super weird options too. Like a dolphin suit. You know, for when they need to infiltrate the dolphins.

    

During this class they’ll also need their watches, to scan the tracks. It’s not clear if the watch does all the work for you or if you have to make notes on the watch yourself.

It’s time for more great friendship. Reane comments that the watch is perfect for Laila, probably because of her bad memory? Laila gets angry (it’s not really something to get angry about, but they’re always looking down on her, so can you blame her?) and tells her to shut up. This turns into an argument:

”No, not for you!” Reane yelled.
”Reane, you!” Laila yelled angrily (lol)
”Yes, that’s me. Something wrong?” (I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re a horrible friend)

Oh another brilliant piece of dialogue in the next paragraph when the class has started:

”In our forest we have rabbits, all kinds of birds and if I get permission from the headmistress deer as well!” Melinda enthusiastically told them about which animals lived in the forest.

Oh so that’s what she was saying! Boy, good thing I explained that one.

Oh more foreshadowing! Ria (she’s in Ricky’s team) thinks she’s found bear tracks, but ”Ria, there are no bears in our forest, and if that was the case we would have brought them to the zoo a long time ago, so don’t be an idiot.” You know who said that? Melinda. Wow, such a nice teacher.

Laila hopes that their next class will be Miranda’s, Melinda’s sister, and of course it is! In Miranda’s class they’ll learn how to survive in the wilderness. Aaaay an actual useful class. Oh and once again, Miranda literally tells them what they’ll do in her class, and then I found the need to write ‘Miranda told them what they’ll do in her class’.

Good question Ryan.

For their first survival class they have to find the cave in the forest, and the team that finds it first won’t have to do any homework (don’t you hate assignments like that like why would you do that it’s so unfair).

And now time for some comedy gold (not really). Remember the foreshadowing about the bear? Ria finds one standing in front of her! (yeah all of a sudden I wrote from her POV) Except… It’s not a bear. It’s Ricky wearing a costume. Ricky is dying of laughter, but then Ria’s eyes widen and Ricky turns around, finding an actual gigantic bear standing in front of him. He, Ria and Johnny (who had come running as soon as he heard Ria screaming before) scream. Miranda hears them, and immediately deduces that it’s the three of them (lol how). She runs towards them and finds the three of them hiding from ‘Melina in a bear costume’. Because apparently Miranda immediately knows it’s her sister. How seems to be the general question today.

So apparently Melinda had put on the costume when the teenagers weren’t paying attention, which is odd because Ricky had only removed the head. PLOT HOLE. But that’s nothing new. I should rename it ‘Spy Academy and the Plot Holes’ instead of ‘Spy Academy and the Secret of Ethelbertha Harrison’.

Anyway, Zoey, Bryan and Laila found the cave so they won and now it’s evening and thus time for the friends to talk about their day like they’re sitting in a circle in kindergarten.

OH MY GOD. I AM DYING. Patricia asks them if they’ve met a teacher whose first name is Lillian yet, since a few days ago professor Flubbertjes said ”Maybe I’ll believe that old Lillian after all!”. They come to the conclusion that it’s an old teacher (no shit Sherlock), so it’s not SaskiaMelinda or Miranda. NO OF COURSE NOT BECAUSE YOU JUST CALLED THEM BY THEIR FIRST NAMES.

They then wonder if it’s Professor Heyligers, who isn’t that old, but she is one of the oldest female teachers (she’s 40 I’m so sorry to all those 40-year-olds out there that my ten-year-old self called you old). Heyligers teaches biology and since Bryan and his Team (Zoey and Laila) have biology tomorrow, he decides to ask her her first name the next day. LOOK AT THEM DOING SPY STUFF. They’ll come so far.

How will that go? Is Heyligers Lillian? Find out next time!

So I feel like this chapter (or at least the second half since I barely remember the first half) was full of plot holes. Do you remember if there were many plot holes in the stories you wrote as a kid? Also, would you infiltrate dolphins if you could? Let me know in the comments!

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39 thoughts on “In Which I Judge My Own Writing Part VII

  1. I can’t stop giggling, send help. :D

    Really, though, it’s impossible for a kid to realistically write about people learning things sooo far beyond their understanding (like spying, or advanced science-fiction science, or advanced animal/monster husbandry), and it’s really neat to see how they go about it.

    One of my dumbest little stories as a kid involved the protagonist participating in a ritual where he walked through a fire and absorbed all the knowledge he’d ever need about magic. Because who needs to make their protagonist actually WORK for their knowledge, am I right? Having the knowledge instantaneously zapped into their brains is so much more engaging to read! *Eye twitch.*

    • Haha true! I guess my ten-year-old self still did a pretty good job seeing she had no knowledge or whatsoever :P
      Aww that’s adorable haha. There are adult authors who write plot lines like that too though, and unlike them now that you’re older you know better! :P

      • I’d definitely say your ten-year-old self deserves a gold star. :D

        You know, that’s (unfortunately) true. I feel a lot better about my embarrassing writing past now; thanks for that! (I’m still not–and probably never will be–brave enough to actually publicly share and tease my own juvenilia, though. You’re a lot braver and more confident than I am, for sure.)

  2. I was reading some of my old writing the other day and it was hilariously awful… looking back on old writing is definitely a confidence booster for our writing now! :)

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