It is time to judge the book I wrote when I was ten again! In this weekly feature (though I took a break from blogging and when I returned I kind of forgot woops) I recap a chapter and provide you with sarcastic commentary. It takes place at an academy for spies and they have started their first day of class.
So it’s time for chapter six, which is called ‘punishment’. Wow. I wonder what will happen??
In the last chapter Bryan decided to go and ask professor Heyligers’ first name, because she could be Lilian. So Bryan goes towards her before class starts and asks her what her first name is. Heyligers doesn’t take this very well:
”My first name?”
”How dare you! If I want to tell you my first name I would do so when I introduce myself! You can’t immediately ask my first name as soon as you step inside the classroom?”
Zoey and Laila decide to get up and help Bryan, by telling Heyligers that they made him do it. And this is where the chapter title comes in: Heyligers tells them that they have to clean the classroom after classes are over. Because that makes sense (none of this makes sense what is this oh yeah my ten-year old self’s attempt at ‘conflict’).
Team 1’s next class is ‘cracking safes’ (I just literally translated it I can’t believe the class was actually called that – no wait yes I can). Disclaimer: I had (and still don’t) have any idea how you do this. So in the story they take a stethoscope, put it to the door and listen. I’ve seen them do this on tv, but I’m sure this won’t work on every safe. I’ve also seen them use finger prints to decipher the code. But all of this knowledge is based on tv and playing Ace Attorney sooo… Bryan immediately knows what he needs to do and succeeds pretty quickly. Even when the teacher has just told them that it’s incredibly difficult. SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.
No one else wants to try it, so the teacher just decides to end the lesson there. Wow. All of these teachers are so good at their job. And the entire class runs out of the room cheering like little kids instead of almost adults. What. I honestly can’t picture this. Maybe it’s because I’m thinking of my old class, but still.
It’s time for ‘fighting training’. I was so good at naming things like wow. Also the teacher for some reason uses the formal you (in Dutch) to the students, which is super weird because the formal you is used when speaking to your elders/someone you respect or need to respect, not by teachers speaking to their students.
Anyway, nothing interesting about that class, so it’s time for team 1’s punishment. They divided the work, but not in a fair way: Zoey is dusting, Laila is cleaning the blackboard and watering the plants and Bryan is sweeping and cleaning the windows. Um. That makes no sense. But nothing in this book does so let’s move on.
Once they’re done, Zoey decides to snoop around a bit (because let’s not forget that they’re spies in training). She finds a letter in the desk drawer addressed to Lilian:
Dear Lilian, if it’s true what you said (that these first years figured out the secret of the projector), it is possible that this year the mystery of Ethelbertha Harrison will be solved by first years!
I’m happy that the tarot cards I’ve given you spoke the truth, since it’s difficult to find good cards.
If you find first years trying to open the door at the eight floor, don’t punish them too severely and don’t continuously keep an eye on them, let them be!
I can’t write anymore than this, in case the letter is intercepted.
I don’t know where to start. The projector is mentioned here. Once again this entire letter makes no sense. Tarot cards?? Where was I going with this? Combined with the visions Zoey got (see the prologue) this is getting way too fantasy/paranormal, which it wasn’t supposed to be. And is it difficult to find good cards? Can just anyone use them? Who knows, not ten-year old me (nor current me). Why research right.
Zoey goes to copy the letter and then it’s time for talking about their day again (whyyyy). Zoey reads them the letter and they decide that they need to open the door on the eight floor, which means they need a bobby pin, which means they need a chicken. Quick recap: they don’t have the right kind of bobby pin, and instead of thinking ‘ay maybe we could buy one’, they remember that Door has own (probably several) and thus they decide to make another deal with her in exchange for food (this time chicken because she’s no longer into meatballs). And it’s not like they can get a chicken at say, the schools’ kitchen. Gosh no that’s ridiculous. Renaming this book: Spy Academy and the Plot Holes and No Sense.
Would you do anything in exchange for food? (don’t lie I know all of you love food at least as much as I do) Let me know in the comments!