Why I Often Don’t Write Even Though I Love Writing // A Cry For H e l p

With Camp NaNo having started I definitely feel the pressure to write. Of course I put that pressure on myself, because I know that something like Camp NaNo really helps motivate me, but lately the thought of writing has stressed me out. I’ve struggled with this for quite some time now (can I go back to being my ten year old self who didn’t think things through at all and just wrote and wrote and wrote even though it was absolute garbage) but lately I’ve been thinking a lot more about it.

With school being over, I have time to write. I even want to write. But do I write?? No.

There are obvious reasons why I don’t write: most of the time I’m too busy or tired. But there is plenty of time that I could spend on writing yet I don’t. And why?

Honestly, as strange as it sounds I recently figured out that I think I might be scared? I have NO IDEA why. I don’t know if it’s my anxiety, my insecurities or something else. But it’s why I often don’t write. I don’t feel like writing and when I do think of writing it almost feels like I’m having a panic attack, which is super odd and makes no sense because I love writing and often it’s a stress reliever?? It wasn’t always this bad, but now?? I’m very confused and annoyed. There’s really no point to this post beside me letting this out and hopefully finding a few people who go through this as well?? Because help??

I do think it probably has something to do with my anxiety and insecurities, but I have no idea WHY. Like if they could tell me what’s going on that’d be great thanks

I AM going to try and write. Not just because it’s Camp NaNo, but because I really want to write and finish my unnamed contemporary. But it feels like I’ll keep this feeling, at least for now, and uh I’d like to not feel like I’m about to have a panic attack over something I love to do thanks

Does someone wants to come with me and beat up my anxiety. We could make it a group outing and just beat up everyone’s anxiety it will be fun

Can you relate to this???? Or do you relate to not writing a lot in general despite loving it? Let me know in the comments!

When Books Make You Feel Insecure About Your Writing

Sometimes you read a book so bad it improves your confidence. If this can get published, than surely I can one day too? While bad books are awful to read as readers, they’re great for your confidence as a writer.

But sometimes you read a book that’s so good that it makes you question everything about your writing. Is my WIP this well written? Are my characters this thought out? Are the messages I’m trying to convey clear? Is it as powerful? As fun to read?

As a reader I love good books, as a writer?

This is the second post in a row I used this gif can you tell I love it

I just finished an amazing book, one of the best ones in a while since I’ve read some mediocre books lately. And suddenly I found myself panicking and thinking about my writing. This doesn’t happen often, actually. I’ve read tons of great books that make me wish I was just as talented, but made me panic? Anxious?

That’s not to say that this book (What’s a Girl Gotta Do by Holly Bourne) is better than any other book I’ve read. My top two books of this year (and among the best I’ve ever read) are still Queens of Geek and The Hate U Give and they didn’t have this effect on me. So…

Me @ this wonderful book

Honestly I just came here to have a good time (which I did!!) and feel so attacked right now*

* I don’t care that this meme is old SO AM I KIDS**
** If I’m acting like this at 20 what will I be like in a couple of years I feel a midlife crisis coming up at like,, 21

Maybe it’s because when I read Queens of Geek and The Hate U Give I wasn’t actively writing and not really thinking about my WIP, which is something I have been doing a lot lately. Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling incredibly insecure lately. I think it’s becoming pretty clear to you guys that I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THIS IS HAPPENING and I’m basically just writing this post to get out all my feelings and share my insecurities which I’m sure a lot of you share. Right??

I’m sure a lot of us are incredibly insecure and anxious about our writing. Sometimes a good book can either inspire you, or make you feel worse. I guess in a way What’s a Girl Gotta Do did both. Because I want to write, and do better. But I also want to crawl in a corner and cry

Basically I want to pull a Tamaki

Of course crawling in a corner or your bed is not going to do anything. What is going to do anything is learn from the amazing books out there, write a lot (*insert cliche PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT KIDS*) and just,, try to remember why you’re writing in the first place, something I think a lot of us often forget.

Of course we all write for different reasons, some similar, some not. But I doubt any of us started to write to feel insecure. So let’s all stop being a Tamaki and… be a Haruhi instead?* Of course she doesn’t write, but she gets shit done. And we need to get shit done kids*****. So get out of that corner, bed, hole, wherever you’ve been hiding from your writing and get to work. Which is easier said than done, I know, but we should at least try k- nope I’m stopping myself no more calling you guys kids. This is becoming a habit and I need to stop.

Me @ Me

* All of you who are not familiar with Ouran High School Host Club** are probably a bit lost right now and for that I’m sorry but I love Ouran and I’m going with this metaphor here
** Please read Ouran High School Host Club. The anime is amazing too but the manga is better. Treat yourself kids***
*** I need to stop calling you all kids I’m basically still a kid myself even though I’ve technically been an adult for two years****
**** I’ve been a WHAT
***** THERE I WENT AGAIN SOMEONE STOP ME I’M MAKING MYSELF FEEL OLD******
****** A while ago I helped with a kids workshop at the museum and they all used the formal you  (this is a thing in Dutch) while speaking to me and I FELT OLD

Anyway, in all seriousness: insecurities will get to you, but if we give in to them we won’t change anything. We won’t improve and we won’t be able to accomplish our dreams, whether that’s to get published or something else.

Wow would you look at that! I didn’t think I’d actually end up giving you guys advice? I just thought this would be me ranting, crying and crying some more for help.

Has this happened to you? Any helpful tips on what to do when your insecurities get to you, whether it’s because you read a good book or something else? Let me know in the comments!

RECIPE: How To Make Your Own Writer

Do you have a million ideas but no time or motivation to write them? Are you tired of writing your novels yourself? Is NaNo getting to you? Then I have THE recipe for you! Before you know it you’ll have made your own writer who can take over your work for you

I know it sounds to good to be true, but I guarantee you that it works*

* And if it doesn’t you clearly did something wrong while following the recipe so don’t blame me

I can hear you scream: WHAT IS THIS RECIPE MICHELLE? SHARE IT WITH US ALREADY

No worries, here it is:

HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN WRITER: A RECIPE BY MICHELLE

NECESSITIES:
💛 1 bowl
💛 1 liter of tears of frustration (TEARS OF SADNESS DO NOT WORK!!)
💛 All of your ideas
💛 1 notebook
💛 2 pens
💛 Your favourite song to write to
💛 Something comfortable to wear while writing, like a onesie
💛 A blanket
💛 Tea, coffee or another writing beverage

DIRECTIONS:

💛 First change into something comfortable to wear while writing, like a onesie

Yes that’s me

💛 Put on your favourite song to write to while making your writer*. This is ESSENTIAL if you listen to music while writing/use it to inspire you. Your writer will have less inspiration if you forgot to put on that music. Don’t worry if you never listen to music while writing – in that case your writer won’t need it either
💛 Preheat the oven uhhhh** 200 degrees (CELSIUS!! VERY IMPORTANT NOT FAHRENHEIT YOU AMERICANS)
💛 Put all of your ideas in the bowl – you can do this by writing them down in the notebook, on separate pieces of paper or by sending your thoughts in the bowl***
💛 Add the notebook if you haven’t yet and also the pens
💛 Add tea, coffee or an other writing beverage and stir 10 times

* Bonus! Dance like me in the gif while making your writer for Extra Fun™
** I’m not making this up as I go along?? Where did you get this idea

*** 10/10 would recommend this method takes up the least ammount of energy, but it won’t work for everyone so if your writer doesn’t come out right it’s not my fault okay 

💛 Now it’s time to add those tears of frustration. Don’t have any yet, let alone 1 liter? That’s okay! Just think about how far behind you are on NaNo, how many ideas you haven’t been able to work on yet, all those plot holes… I’m sure you have a million writer problems to cry over!

💛 Stir for one minute, make sure those tears mix with your ideas nicely
💛 Now put all that in the oven for fifteen minutes
💛 Get comfy while you wait – time to use that blanket! Don’t use that free time to write – no don’t take that work away from your soon to be baked writer! Go sleep, watch a movie – do whatever writing got in the way of
💛 Let your writer get accustomed to their new surroundings for a bit when you take them out of the oven

The ammount of time this takes is different for every writer, but make sure you don’t put them to work before they’re entirely accustomed. It won’t take longer than a few hours – if it does, you did something wrong and you can’t hold me accountable
💛 Don’t forget to sprinkle that imagination on top of your writer!

Now set that writer to work and enjoy all that free time!

Do you have any other great writing recipes for me? Have you tried my recipe? Did it work out? How’s NaNo, or writing in general going? Let me know in the comments!

When You No Longer Like Your Plot, But Your Characters Own Your Heart

Hello my name is Michelle and I have a problem. I hate the plot of one of my WIPs, but I can’t let go

I really wish this was me, but alas

Once upon a time, when I was 13 (or 12??), I came up with the most original plot of ever, namely two teenagers DESTINED. FATED. CHOSEN. to prevent the devil from returning to earth and fighting demons. BASICALLY IT WAS A BUFFY THE VAMPIRE RIP OFF. Instead of Watchers and the Watchers Council it had Guardians and the Council of Guardians/Guardians Council whatever. The Watcher Guardian that looked over my main two characters (who were called ‘The Chosen Ones’. So clever. So unique. Much originality) was basically a Rupert Giles rip off (to the point that I  pictured Anthony Head as the character lmao). Oh and he was the librarian at the school (if you’re not familiar with Buffy: Giles was the librarian at the school as well lmao) for no apparent reason?? When I rewrote it he just worked at the Council, which actually made sense, but still.

It started out as a rip off. I’m not saying everything was exactly like Buffy, but the similarities were there, which I didn’t notice when I first wrote it because I was young and naive and unknowingly inspired by which was back then my favourite tv show of ever.

I finished the book when I was about 14 I think? Or maybe still 13? I have terrible memory

And started to work on the second one, which I never finished because at some point I decided to rewrite the first one, since I wasn’t too happy with it. In the end, I wasn’t happy with that rewrite either, and started to rethink everything. Character backgrounds, plot points, overal plot, relationships… Everything.

And now I look at the mess I made when I was 13 (because it wasn’t just a rip off, it was also full with plot holes and tropes I absolutely loathe now and just… ugh) and I just no longer like it.

Except. I really love the characters. I love their backgrounds, their relationships with each other, the development I was going to make them go through… I am really attached.

I’m ready to let go of the plot, but not of these characters

So now what?

Because I have no clue

have thought of coming up with a new plot, and keeping these characters, but what kind of plot? Should I stick to (urban) fantasy? Or choose a different genre? And then what? Will they still be the same characters? Because a different plot (and possibly a different genre) means changes to their background stories and the development I had planned. I AM LOST.

If any of you thought this was going to be a helpful post full with tips on how to deal with this I am truly sorry. Instead this is me getting this of my chest, crying for help and hoping I’m not the only one.

Anyone been/going through this? Any advice? Or should we all start a support group together where we cry and eat ice cream? Let me know in the comments!